Monday, 13 December 2010

plan, pledge, principal, principle, progressive, promise

Today's installment of the Fruitcake Miniature Dictionary of English is brought to you by the letter P. Some students may be surprised at how quickly some things have changed.

Plan noun and verb (to make an) announcement first thing in the morning after the Principal's breakfast, or soon thereafter, which results in the teaching staff getting out of bed without disturbing him to make tea and toast for the Head of Animal Care. The announcement may open with the words "I've got a plan," which may incorrectly suggest something more significant than grilled wholemeal.

Pledge noun and verb (to give a) solemn written undertaking, metaphorically if not literally in blood, not to support a rise in tuition fees for students in higher education, which may be reneged upon in the name of compromise with the forces of darkness (c.f. Faust).

Principal noun cat called Fruitcake, titular head of the eponymous Fruitcake Miniature College and sponsor of this publication. Spelling often confused with following.

Principle noun something that should not change or be lost, whichever way the wind may blow, and which should inform one's promises, pledges and the like to e.g. not ever support a rise in tuition fees. Analogous to gold as a thing of great value that is incorruptible and cannot be tarnished, Nick Clegg.

Progressive adjective good, unevil, maybe expensive and involving a life of debt, but definitely not nasty. Possibly meaningless by the time you read this.

Promise 1 noun and verb (to give an) inconvenient and regrettable undertaking which is wholly conditional on future circumstances and which one cannot be held to as, hey, things change, and one's support for the exact opposite position is what retains the fig-leaf of a mandate for a party that couldn't get a majority in a general election however annoyed the voters were with Labour. 2 noun previous position, not to be confused with present position which prompts awful mental images.

Hey, you missed out 'politics,' and 'party'!
No I didn't. And for your diary next week - the Fruitcake Miniature College Christmas party.

1 comment:

  1. The Head of Animal Care would like to say that her plan was entirely successful, and she and the Principal were both thoroughly delighted with their breakfast this morning. Which is more than we can say about our feeelings twards the Deputy Prime Minister