Monday, 1 November 2010

Welcome back to Fruitcake Minature College

Welcome back from the half-term break. Returning students will be delighted to receive, at no extra fee, the first installment of the Fruitcake Miniature Dictionary of English (or FMDE as it will be no doubt be referred to throughout academia). In honour of our Principal we begin with C for Cat. Likewise, smarty-pants will notice, strict alphabetical order is not observed absolutely.

Cat noun 1 superior being, Felis catus; apparently indolent creature that nevertheless rises to  position of great comfort and influence. 2 Fat cat one gaining undeserved but extravagent rewards, e.g. as unearned bonus - see also puss, pussy, woosy, wuzza (wuzza) etc etc etc, as in "Mm, nice sardine for a wuzza?"

Cable verb to signal desperately but in ultimately futile manner that one is progressive, while being frogmarched in a direction that is opposite to one previously indicated.

Cameron noun awfully decent sort from frightfully good family who is just the chap in the current ghastly mess to sort out the poor, the ne'er-do-wells, and so forth.

Clegg verb comb. form of clog and leg as in leg up and leg it = to impede general progress in the act of personal political advancement and/or while escaping previously powerless position.

Coalition noun political equivalent of the scene in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe where Edmund accepts Turkish Delight from the White Witch.

Conservative noun (one belonging to) political party formed in centuries past by an alliance of landed gentry and industrialists to make damn sure that oiks, ne'er-do-wells, uppity teachers and the like, do not frighten the horses, and are kept very firmly in their place.

College noun 1 institution engaged, single-mindedly if often ineffectually, in the pursuit of maximum funding, despite the unfortunate necessity of recruiting students and employing teachers. 2 Shangrila, or Narnia in the time of the High Kings, where learning is what matters and the Principal is a large cat.

NB students concerned about balance and impartiality in academic life can be assured that the letter L will be equally lexicographic, and will feature soon

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